Ulterior Heroism
by 12309
Summary: Mostly a retelling of Fire Emblem: Awakening, with changes of varying significance, told entirely by Robin. I know there is a lot to improve on, so please leave criticism.
1. It Could Have Gone Worse

Something was poking my arm.

I stirred, not quite ready to open my eyes. Thinking seemed more important, but my assailant now knew I was alive.

The poking intensified.

Nope, still not ready to open my eyes. Can't make me. Caaaaaaaan't make me.

Then I heard the clanking of armor, and a deep male voice.

"Please, Lady Lissa, step back from the stranger. She carried both a blade and a spell tome – she may be dangerous."

A shrill young voice, presumably Lissa's, responded, "But Frederick, she is out here alone and asleep. Who knows what happened to her! We need to help."

"Milady, you have already determined the woman is alive, and she appears unharmed. There is nothing more for you to do until she wakes. Do not place yourself at risk needlessly."

Alright world, you win. I'll open my eyes now. I didn't want to dream of electric sheep anyway. But if I don't like what I see? Well, I'll probably just keep looking. But I won't be happy about it, understand?

One

Two

Three

Aaaaaaand, OPEN!

Ugh, that took way more effort than it should have.

The fruit of my herculean labor was the face of a pale young girl with blond pigtails and a concerned look on her face kneeling near me, clutching a staff. My assailant unmasked!

Standing next to her was a tall man in heavy armor clutching a spear. The girl's bodyguard, no doubt. His face was worn and stoic – no doubt protecting this Lissa was a job two could comfortably share, if she expressed such concern over every stranger she meets.

Having at last opened my eyes and registered these two, I should probably say something.

"Uh, hi" was the best I could mumble. Nice going.

"Hey there!" chirped back the blonde girl with a smile. "Are you okay?"

Good question. "I think so" I responded sleepily. "What happened?"

"We found you lying here with a sword and a spell-tome. My sister has been trying to rouse you for the past quarter-hour" said a male voice from behind. I turned around to see an armored, young, blue-haired man with an impressive-looking sword at his hip. "And then you said 'hi'" he finished with a small grin before extending his hand. "Might I help you up milady?"

Yeah, Blue was worth opening my eyes for. I took his hand and wobbily rose to my feet. And then I rediscovered my talent for speaking without thinking. "Thank you, Chrom." How the hell did I know this man's name?

Chrom cocked an eyebrow at hearing his name. "You know me by name?"

"It just came to me."

His face found a wry expression. "Interesting. And would you care to tell me _your_ name, madam?"

Well shoot. What is my name?

"I-i-i don't know" I said with a shrug.

"Are we truly to believe you know milord's name but not your own? What manner of fools do you take us for?" Fred the Less-Than-Worried-About-Me interjected.

I tried to come up with a response that wouldn't leave me feeling like to worst liar in the world. I failed. "I can't seem to remember anything."

"Except milord's name. And how to talk. And I suspect you 'remember' how to use your weapons as well." Fred shot back with an edge to his voice that worried me.

"Frederick! Be nice! I've heard about this before. It's called, uhh, amnesia! And it's totally a real thing." Blondie joined the conversation, seeming awfully proud at remembering the word "amnesia."

"It's called pegasus dung, milady."

"What do you suggest then Frederick?" Chrom's voice had changed from Affable Prince Charming to Irritated Boss Man. "Even if she is lying about having amnesia for some reason, we cannot disarm her and leave her here alone. And if she does indeed have amnesia, we are duty-bound as Shepherds to help her."

"The decision is yours, of course" conceded Fred, "But I insist she remain unarmed, for the safety of you and your sister, until we know more."

I'd feel better with my sword and magic book, but at least they probably aren't going to kill me. Could be worse, right?And Blondie is Chrom's sister, evidently. I should try to stay on her good side.

"Very well Frederick" Chrom turned to me. "I apologize that we must treat you so suspiciously, madam, but recent events have done much to justify Frederick's paranoia. Once we are able to establish you are not an enemy of Ylisse you will be free to go, you have my word."

"Ylisse? Is that where we are?"

Frederick found my question hilarious. "Hah! You may yet convince me of your amnesia, stranger." I was shocked to see his face break from the grimace he had been wearing since I woke up. His smile was actually unnerving.

"Frederick! Be nice!" Blondie rose to my defense yet again. "Yes, the country we are in is called Ylisse. Chrom and Frederick are worried because we have been having problems with our western neighbor Plagia. But that's no excuse for treating you like a bandit!"

At least someone is on my side, not that I deserve it. "Thank you Lissa, but they're just being careful. I'm sure I would do the same in their position." I turned to face Chrom. "Now that you've decided not to kill me, Prince Charming, shall we go?" That sounded less flirty in my head, honestly.

Fred had no more objections now that Chrom had agreed to keep little old me disarmed, and off we went. Blue took the lead, while Lissa and I followed and Frederick brought up the rear. We were marching north to some village and should reach the capitol the next day. Blondie, delighted at having met someone that knows even less about the world than her, kept busy telling me about Ylisse. I wasn't particularly interested in hearing about the druid that killed a snowstorm, but appeasing the girl seemed too important for me to just blow her off.

I found myself oddly enthralled by a story involving birds and bees when we were interrupted by a magical-looking blurple disc that appeared in the sky just long enough to spit someone out a short distance away. Naturally, Chrom and Lissa decided the safest way to proceed was to run heedlessly towards the stranger. Frederick drew his spear, a precaution I would have appreciated more had he not used it to insist I join them in this act of recklessness.

The stranger seemed to be in a daze when we approached. Our new best friend appeared to be a mildly effeminate man with blue hair, blue clothes, a blue mask, and a blue scabbard holding a sword that looked a lot like Chrom's. Do Prince Charming and Blondie have a long lost brother, or are there just a lot of men running around Ylisse with blue everything and fancy swords?

We were roughly twenty paces from the stranger when he gathered his wits. I couldn't tell what New Blue was thinking as he scanned the others, but the instant he locked eyes with me drew his sword and rushed forwards, shouting some gibberish. Maybe I owed him money? He'd halved the distance between us in the time it took Chrom to draw his own sword, which really looked the same the New Blue's, and Frederick to tell the stranger to halt. This guy is fast.

"Stand down stranger. There is no need for bloodshed this day." Is that really the best you could come up with Chrom?

At this, New Blue stopped and realized his approach had been taken as a sign of hostility and lowered, but did not sheathe, his sword. "Lord Chrom! My name is Marth, and I come from the future! That woman is a servant of Grima! In my time she has killed you and become the shadow dragon's mortal vessel! She must die now while there is still time to save your world!"

Well, shit. He's talking about me, isn't he?

Now, I am willing to admit my story about being an amnesic that knows Chrom's name is a little far-fetched, but that is a mere canary compared to the condor of a tale this "Marth" just fed us. I wonder if Ylissian swallows are bigger than Plegian swallows? Does Lissa really expect me to believe storks deliver baby bees to their hives? WHY CAN'T I STOP THINKING ABOUT BIRDS STUPID BRAIN THEY'RE GOIN TO KILL ME -

"I am not _the_ Marth, Lord Chrom, as you are no doubt aware. His name is a mantle I have adopted. In my time, hope and heroes are in great demand and short supply against the onslaught of Grima." I seem to have missed part of the conversation between Blue and New Blue while enthralled in my avian reverie. What the hell is Grima? Some kind of bird? Probably a really big one. Completely different from a finch or sparrow or...or...or a robin. Why are robins so important to me right now? Lissa didn't mention them at all.

The only outward sign of my internal monologuing was a glazed-over look on my face, which the others were no doubt used to after all the exercise I had with this look while listening to Lissa. I tuned back in to the blue boys still conversing.

"No doubt you have reasons of your own for concealing your identity here in the past. I shall not pry. But please, do not call me 'Lord'. Even across time and space we are still family; Chrom will be fine."

"As you wish, Chrom. However, if you accept that I am your descendant from the future, I hope you will also heed my warning. Every mom -" THAT'S IT! My name is Robin! Reaver of earthworms and small insects everywhere!

"- ent that Robin lives places this world at risk."

"MY NAME IS ROBIN! I REMEMBER NOW!" New Blue just said that, didn't he? Me and my big mouth.

I became acutely aware that Chrom and Marth had stopped talking after my little outburst. Prince Charming broke the silence.

"You put me in a difficult situation, Robin. As difficult as Marth's tale is to believe, I cannot dismiss a bearer of The Brand and wielder of Falchion. And now you have admitted that he knows your true name."

"Prince Chrom" Frederick began, "This Marth has done nothing to prove his Brand and Falchion are legitimate. Nor can you possibly take his tale at face value, for it is even more unbelievable than Robin's claim of amnesia!" Is Frederick really backing me up on this? "Any number of your foes would be well served by inserting a traitor into the royal family. Imagine the havoc Gangrel could wreck with a royal bastard carrying a bastard Falchion!"

The admonishment of his babysitter seemed to reach Chrom. His shoulders sagged a touch. "What would you have me do, Frederick? If I cannot trust someone with the brand and the blade, who can I believe?"

"You do not need to make a decision now, my lord. Take both strangers into custody. Neither will be a threat locked in the castle dungeon." I don't like my chances of ever getting out if these Ylisseans are willing to throw me in their dungeon just to be safe. Marth didn't like this much either.

"NO" he yelled, "Every moment she lives imperils your world! She is far more dangerous than she seems. Kill her here and now while you still can!"

"Even if what you say is true, Marth, I will not slaughter a helpless prisoner. I do not know what horrors you have faced, but in this world there are lines I refuse to cross." Chrom finally decided to break out his serious tone.

Even through his mask Marth seemed taken aback at Chrom's reprimand. "Forgive me, Chrom, but you cannot understand what Robin has done to my world. No words can convey the devastation wrought on not just Ylisse, but everywhere. Humanity is on the verge of extinction. Tarnished honor is a small price to pay to avert such catastrophe."

"I truly wish I could take you at your word, Marth, but I cannot do what you ask of me without proof. For the time being, Robin will bound and kept under guard. I trust this is an acceptable compromise?"

Like hell it is.

"For now it will suffice, but do not underestimate Robin. Even bound and unarmed she is a threat to us all."

This is looking bad. I won't survive the night if Chrom agrees to tie me up and lets Marth stay with us. Think brain, think; what do I know about these twits?

Chrom: Frederick referred to him as prince, and Marth called him lord. Chrom is royalty of some sort in this country. For him to be wandering around with his baby sister and babysitter looking for bandits means he is not some ivory tower aristocrat. He has also made it clear he does not want to kill me if he can avoid it (how noble). Appealing to his sense of justice could work.

Frederick: Baby sitter to these noble brats, and most certainly willing to kill me so Chrom won't have to. Not an ally, but he won't do much of his own accord.

Lissa: She hasn't said anything in a while, which seems very unusual for her. She can't be comfortable with one of them murdering me in cold blood, but I doubt she can do much to stop them except as a hostage, though that is very much a last resort. Marth might be willing to let her die just to kill me, and if I hurt her at all the others aren't going to let me live. Still, she might be useful if she takes my side.

Marth: I actually believe his story, more or less. Not that I'm actually a time-traveling agent of Grima (some sort of bad guy I'm guessing), though if I am I don't know it, but I think he really does believe his own story. Bully for him he couldn't make it sound reasonable.

This "Falchion" that Chrom mentioned both he and Marth carry is clearly their sword, and if Marth does indeed possess one than he actually is from the future (or possibly the past, but at this point either is pretty much the same for me). The "Brand" Chrom mentioned sounds like a birthmark. I don't see one on Marth, but Chrom seems quite convinced and he would know better than I about this.

So my situation is this: A relative of Chrom's from the future has told an unbelievable yet probably true tale of how I destroy the world, and wants to kill me so all that bad stuff doesn't happen. All I need to do is convince Prince Charming to doubt Marth's story. Piece of cake, if I could just get them to listen to me. I've got a plan for that, though. It's a pretty awful one, to be honest, but it should be good enough.

Deep breath, Robin, you're gonna need it.

"I AM AFRAID I MUST OBJECT TO THIS PROPOSAL LORD CHROM. I DO NOT FEEL THIS IS A COMPROMISE AT ALL." Yelling was enough to get their attention. Lissa even stepped back in surprise. Has she really not said anything this entire time or have I finally learned to tune her out?

'Why are you yelling Robin?" Blondie broke her silence with such a dull , unexcited, matter-of-fact question. I must really have scared her.

"I AM YELLING BECAUSE I BELIEVE I DESERVE TO BE A PART OF THIS CONVERSATION BUT I DO NOT HAVE A FANCY SWORD OR BRITHMARK OR BLUE HAIR SO I MUST COMPENSATE WITH VOLUME IF I WISH TO BE HEARD."

My snippyness earned me a strike behind my knee from Frederick. Not the pointy end of his spear, but it was enough to hurt like hell and drive me to one knee.

"Enough, fool. Be grateful Lord Chrom has let you live this long."

Time to switch from yelling to fake theatrics. Why does this come so naturally to me?

"Oh forgive me, Lord Chrom" I began with as much sarcasm as I could muster, "I apologize for my lack of gratitude. I was a fool not to recognize of benevolence in not murdering helpless prisoners on the hearsay of masked time travelers! No doubt all of Ylisse would benefit from the rule of such a merciful lord!" Stop glaring at me like that Frederick.

Marth clearly wanted to say something. He could see this was about to turn against him but had no idea how to respond. Fortunately for me, Chrom replied first.

"I make no excuses for how we have treated you thus far, Robin, but you must recognize the bind I am in. As dubious as Marth's story is, he knew your name. He bears Falchion, a blade he cannot have gotten from this time. You claim to have amnesia yet knew my own name." An exasperated sigh from Chrom. He doesn't seem to like being in charge. "Frederick's advice may not be merciful, but his path is the safest for all of us. Can you recommend a more prudent course of action?"

Oh Chrom, you're making this too easy for me. Marth was becoming visibly upset even under his mask. He doesn't want me to talk, but how can he stop me?

"I would like to ask the man that claims to be Marth a few question, Prince Chrom. Once I have finished I will submit to your judgment without complaint."

Chrom nodded. That's good. "That seems reasonable." Chrom turned to Marth, expecting an objection. Marth was sure trying to think of one that wouldn't make him look like the suspicious one. I didn't give him the time.

"My first question for you, Marth, is why the mask? What do you have to hide?"

Marth bristled just a touch at this one. "It is important for the stability of this time that I keep my identity a secret." Ooh, time traveling hazard eh? Not a good answer, Marth.

"Speaking of time, Marth, just how did you travel back in time anyway? That isn't common magic, is it?"

"I was sent back by the power of Naga the Divine Dragon. My future was lost – because of you."

"Interesting. And Naga told you that revealing your identity would imperil the past?"

"Yes."

"If concealing your identity is so important, _Marth_, why bring back Falchion? Isn't that something of a tip-off?"

Frederick decided to jump in on my side. "She raises a fair point."

Marth looked just as shocked at Frederick backing me up as I was, but he recovered faster than I had hoped. "Carrying Falchion is indeed a risk, but Naga said it is a necessary one."

I need to know more about Naga if I am going to push this any further. "Enlighten me, Chrom. Who is Naga?"

"Naga the Divine Dragon is the patron of Ylisse. She forged Falchion from one of her fangs and granted it to the original Marth to defeat Grima a millennium ago."

So Naga is some kind of goddess with a connection to both Falchion and Grima. Marth's claim is at least plausible, then, as far as Chrom is concerned. But that leaves another question.

"How, then, did you acquire Falchion in your time Marth?"

"After _you_ killed Chrom, Falchion was passed to me."

"Me as Grima killed Chrom, you mean?"

"Yes."

"I'm guessing you don't know how Falchion was recovered after Chrom died, do you?"

"I do not."

"How convenient. Would it be fair to say, Marth, that in your time Grima has won completely?"

"Yes. As I said before, you and Grima have all but annihilated humanity in my timeline." Marth was struggling to keep his composure. Good. Less good was how close Frederick's spear had come to the back of my neck.

"In that case, I'm sure you can answer my last question. Why am I here?"

This one took everyone off guard. "I don't understand your question."

"Oh, I think you do. You said I won. Why would I come back in time if I won? Wouldn't it make more sense for the loser to go back and try again?"

Marth was grasping for something to say, so Chrom decided to throw in his two coppers. "She raises a fair point, Marth." Didn't Frederick just say that?

Marth found his composure. Frustrating. "Forgive me if I have misspoken. It was my assumption upon seeing Robin that she was from my time. I now believe I was mistaken. It seems more reasonable that this is the Robin of your time, Chrom."

"If that is the case, then Robin has done nothing wrong yet." I don't like that "yet" Chrom.

"We don't know that, milord. And even if that is the case, there remains the matter of Robin's supposed amnesia."

"Why don't we let our resident healer field that question, Sir Frederick?" I turned to Lissa. "Ever heard of amnesia caused by time travel?"

Blondie answered slowly, not certain if I was joking asking her such an absurd question. "No."

Bingo. "Then every case of amnesia you are familiar with has been caused by something other than time travel, correct?" Asking stupid questions seems to be my forte.

"Yes." She answered, slowly. Show some _confidence_ girl, I need them to believe you. "I've heard of lots of things that can cause amnesia, but never time travel."

Good enough. "I believe our expert has spoken: time travel is _not_ a known cause of amnesia" I shot at Frederick triumphantly. "As our confirmed time traveler has already made quite clear, haven't you Marth?" Couldn't hurt to draw some attention back to New Blue if Freddy was so insistent on stranger-danger.

Marth didn't bother responding, but Frederick did. "On this point it would seem you are correct, Lady Robin." That's practically a concession from the big guy. Maybe he isn't so bad after all. "However, as mundane as the origins of your supposed amnesia may be, the fact remains that your situation cannot be attributed to mere happenstance." Aaaaand, that's enough out of you. Better butt in before Marth does. I can use this.

"Oh, I could not agree more, Sire Frederick" I began with an extra helping of politeness and false sincerity. Frederick's grimace managed to communicate that he knew I was going somewhere with this and wanted me to get on with it before his lord would have to spend the night outdoors. Patience, buddy, I'm not gonna rush things when it's my life on the line. "Indeed, it can be no coincidence for your royal party to encounter both an amnesiac and a time traveler on a quest to...murder...said amnesiac." I paused for emphasis, savoring how Marth flinched at the word "murder". Just reminding the royal brats what you're up to, pretty boy. Turning to Chrom, I continued, "The prudent question to ask is, who is the active party? Whose actions have created this situation?" I tapped my chin with my finger, "With the information currently available, the individual is almost certainly" short pause, not that there was any doubt what I would say next, "Marth."

I turned to Marth, eager to continue my questioning before he could muster a response. "Or is this more information you can't tell us without destroying the world?" I threw all my mocking and skepticism into that last line. If I can just rattle Marth enough -

New Blue answered quicker this time. "I have already told you everything you need to know. YOU destroyed my world. YOU ki-"

And now he's agitated. Perfect. No need to let him finish reminding us what he's already said. "Quite frankly, that isn't for you to determine, Marth" I interrupted, "Given the exuberance with which you sought to introduce your sword to my heart, and your hidden identity, there is clearly a great deal of information _we_ would _like_ to know. Tell us, and then we can decide what we _need_ to know." I was going to say something else, but I noticed smoke coming from the direction we had been walking. There was supposed to be a town that way, and Chrom said they had been having issues with bandits. Doesn't take a genius to figure this out, but why hasn't Frederick said something? Surely he would be paying more attention to our surroundings than my theatrics. Still, I'm not ready for such an interruption quite yet.

Marth's response was far too composed for my liking. "I have proven myself a member of the Ylissean royal family. I have conceded that you are not the Robin of my time. What else would you like to know? My favorite color? My birthday?" Sticking to your story, eh Marth? Well damn, Chrom is stupid and trusting enough to let that work. I thought I had you too, New Blue.

Old Blue had had enough of this conversation. "That's enough Robin, you've had your chance to question Marth. And now I have reached my decision." I didn't think Chrom could sound so authoritative. Kinda hot, actually. "I do not believe that you are an agent of a world-ending evil, Robin." How generous of you, Chrom. He turned to Marth before continuing. "Marth, I respect your courage in journeying to our time to avert the future, but I cannot allow you to kill Robin on mere suspicion. Both of you shall travel with us, unbound and unarmed, to the capital. The Exalt shall decide your fates. I trust there will be no objections?" Chrom finished, shooting me a sideways glare. Evidently, my interrogation had not impressed him much.

"No, Chrom." Marth's response.

Yes, I had promised Chrom I would follow along with whatever he decided, but if Marth was going to be staying with us I would need my weapons. Not a chance in hell he wouldn't try to kill me as soon as the opportunity presented itself. Frederick, I am sure, knew this as well, but my well-being was clearly not high on his list of priorities. I needed my weapons, and I knew exactly how to get them. "Then let us not tarry, Lord Chrom, for it seems there is already a village in need of our aid." I gestured in the direction we had been traveling with a dramatic flourish. It took Chrom a moment for the meaning of the smoke to sink in.

"Gods, Southtown burns! Hurry, we don't have a second to spare!" Man of Action Chrom, in his haste, was forgetting something.

As the others were about to run off, I spoke up. "My weapons, please." It took them all a second to realize I was talking to them. "Or would you have me fight yonder bandits unarmed?"

"Prince Chrom has decreed you are to remain unarmed." True, Freddy, but things have changed somewhat, haven't they?

"He said the same of Marth, yet you have not disarmed Marth. Nor can you afford to, if Southtown is being raided by bandits. Just as you cannot afford to leave me unarmed."

Frederick was about to object when Chrom finally realized why we weren't moving. "Give Robin her weapons, Frederick. You can be suspicious of her after we have dealt with the bandits." Atta boy, Chrom. I'll even forgive you for not noticing how hard Marth had to bite his tongue to keep himself for objecting.

Frederick, for his part, did as he was told, and handed me one sheathed sword and one spell tome. They seemed unremarkable, especially compared to the Blue Boys' gleaming Falchions and Frederick's shining spear, but their weight was comforting all the same.

With that matter resolved, we rushed towards Southtown. One thing about Chrom's group seemed odd: why did only Frederick have a horse? Surely royalty could afford to furnish steeds. Something I should ask about later.

Even with our group mostly on foot, we arrived quickly. Southtown was indeed ablaze, and the bandits running around probably weren't there to help. There were quite a lot of them, but they were disorganized and not expecting any serious resistance. Shouldn't be too difficult for the five of us.

Frederick looked to Chrom. "What are your orders, milord?"

Chrom hesitated to answer. Not good. "There are too many of them for a frontal assault." You bumbling idiot. Then he glanced at me and Marth. "Any ideas?"

Strangely enough, I did have a couple. "They outnumber us, but they aren't expecting a fight, and we have the element of surprise. If we hit them hard and fast we can eliminate a large portion of the bandits before they realize they're under attack. The longer we wait, the more time they have to organize." A simple plan for simple minds. Not even Marth objected, though I could tell he desperately wanted to.

And with that we sprang into action; two idiots, a paranoid brute, and a lunatic following the orders of the world's most knowledgeable amnesic. Together we carved a bloody swathe through the dozen or so bandits milling around the outskirts of Southtown, the lightly armored swordsmen and axemen taken completely by surprise. Frederick and the Blue Boys were as good as I'd hoped, and Lissa proved herself quite adept with her healing staff. I wasn't half bad myself, but something about this seemed off. As familiar as it felt to hold a sword in my left hand and a tome in my right, I couldn't shake the feeling that I used to be much better at this than I am now, which only raised further questions about what I was doing before Chrom and pals found me. Probably wasn't tending sheep. Gotta admit though, shooting lightning bolts and stabbing people was kinda fun.

Yup, I definitely wasn't a sheep-herder.

As expected, the surviving bandits fell back, rallying in the town square. We grouped up to plan the second stage of this battle. I got the ball rolling. "The surviving bandits have fallen back to the center of town. That is where their leader will be. I estimate there are about 10 bandits left, including the leader and two mages I saw running away from our initial charge. We should expect the leader to have his best fighters by his side, as well as hostages." The mention of hostages left an unspoken question Chrom was, to my great surprise, astute enough to notice.

"Our priority is saving civilians, even if it means letting bandits escape." Ohhh, Authoritative Chrom returns. My favorite side of him, though more alcohol and less clothes wouldn't hurt...

The plan we (read: I) came up with was pretty much the same as my original plan, but I made it sound different enough to impress Chrom. We would rush forwards, hacking through every bandit we could find until we ran out of bandits or one of them threatened a civilian. If that happened, we would let them leave in exchange for the hostage. When Chrom expressed concern over Lissa's safety now that we had confirmed the enemy ranks included mages, I heroically volunteered hang back with Lissa while the others joined the melee. As the only one that could strike from a distance, I was the only real option. Marth continued to bite his tongue, and even Frederick seemed convinced I wasn't going to stab Chrom in the back with a lightning bolt.

The bandits' last stand proved anticlimactic. Their leader, an oaf with the most darling of musculature hefting an axe with one hand that I could scarcely imagine lifting with both, died on Chrom's sword after a short and uneventful bout. The other bandit footmen fared even worse against the dashing prince. Their mages used some sort of wind magic, which I discovered was quite painful, but far less so than my own lightning magic. The only noteworthy incident during the battle was when a bandit swordsman that someone – I assume it was Marth – had missed got close to me and Lissa, and I cut him down with my blade even as I lashed lightning against the bandits menacing the others. Well, it would be more honest to say that I dragged Lissa over towards a nearly-dead bandit and let him graze me with his sword before stabbing him through the heart, but the former description sounds much more heroic. Chrom would be sure to know how I put myself in mortal danger to save his baby sister. Things are looking up for Robin!

And then, things got even better.

Our post-battle huddle was missing my least favorite person in the world. Chrom, Freddy, and I split up to look for Marth's body while Lissa helped the townspeople cowardly enough to survive the raid but too stupid to avoid injury completely. We didn't find his corpse, or him. Some of the townspeople mentioned seeing a blue-haired man in blue with a blue sword head east into the woods. The four of us that remained met with the village after concluding our bluemanhunt.

"We cannot thank you enough, Lord Chrom" began the elderly elder's mewling. "We owe you our lives! Please, you and your companions must stay the night in our humble village. A feast for your graceliness is the least we can do." Ugh, that was so sappy it could've been the punchline for a joke about a girl named Willow Rowan Oak. I hope Lissa doesn't talk about her again.

Chrom's response was exactly what I'd expected and feared. "Your generosity is most appreciated, but we must make haste to Ylissetol. The Exalt must know of this raid."

"But milord, you cannot hope to reach the capitol before nightfall."

"Yeah, Chrom" interjected Lissa in her shrill, annoying voice. "We just saved the village! We've earned a night's sleep in a real bed! Tell him Robin!" Blondie turned to me, expecting me to take her side on this. True, I couldn't think of many things more appealing than a good meal, a hot bath, and a warm bed, and most of those I could think of involved any of the aforementioned three plus Chrom naked, bound, and gagged, but it wouldn't do to actually say that.

I intended to deliver this line with more of a grin than a grimace, but hunger, exhaustion, and blood loss had sapped my acting talent, though I don't think Blue noticed. "I cannot remember that last time I slept in a real bed, Chrom, so what's one more night under the stars?" Sorry Lissa, but sucking up to your brother is more important than sucking up to you right now.


	2. It Got Better

I could feel the glare Bondie was giving me. Sorry Lissa, but sucking up to your brother is more important than sucking up to you right now. I'll just have to deal with your revenge when it comes.

My betrayal was enough to quell Lissa's resistance to our itinerary, and with no further objections we took the north road towards Ylisstol. Once the town was out of sight, Freddy decided to remind Prince Charming of something.

"Lord Chrom, you decreed Robin was to journey with us unarmed, did you not?"

You asshole. At least my hero knows better.

"Frederick, Robin has risked her life to save Ylissean citizens. She nearly died protecting Lissa. We can trust her."

Oh Chrom, you're the sweetest naïve and gullible fool I know.

"And what of Marth, milord?"

"Marth recanted his quarrel with Robin, and also risked his life protecting Ylisse. I am sure he has his own reasons for leaving."

I wish you weren't so stupid Chrom. Please, someone tell Chrom Marth isn't going to give up that easily. I would, but that would sound cowardly and petty. C'mon Lissa, you owe me. Saving your life (sorta) is worth way more than making you sleep outside one night.

And as luck would have it, Blondie piped up.

"I dunno Chrom, he seemed pretty convinced Robin is one of the bad guys. Do you really think he traveled back in time to give up just like that?"

Thankyouthankyouthankyou Lissa. I almost feel bad about putting your life in danger so I could impress your brother.

"If Marth insists on pursuing his feud with Robin, we will intervene. Until then, we will take him at his word that the matter is settled." Chrom, buddy, it's really hard to obsess over you when you endanger me like I endanger your sister. But Chrom had decided, and that was that.

Still, a still-breathing Marth notwithstanding, I didn't have much to complain weather was pleasant, the road was fair, and we should have quite a few hours of sunlight. I had had the sense to liberate some fruit from Southtown before we left. Lissa accepted an apple as an apology for me not taking her side in the earlier discussion about leaving for Ylissetol. She also made a very disapproving face when Chrom bit into his orange, perhaps she is more of a lemon-lime fan? Blue's enthusiasm for my pilfered spoils even shut up Frederick, who was just about to delve into a lecture on why taking a few pieces of fruit from the villagers we saved was wrong, but it would have been fine to eat ten times as much food at the feast they wanted to hold for us. Not quite wrong enough for him to refuse a banana, of course. Which left me with a pear to eat.

The fruit will not last long. If I cannot find something new to keep my mind occupied, it will wander to indecent thoughts of Chrom. And then I will probably blurt one of them out without thinking, and Chrom won't get it because he's an oblivious idiot but everyone else will and they won't tell him and I won't be able to and it'll be one giant and awkward joke I won't be able to tell Chrom so I'll have to avoid him and he'll fall in love with one of his childhood friends that he didn't think of as a girl until two weeks ago and I'll be stuck with some creepy stalker that collects bat wings and eats eel pie.

Thank you fruit.

"So Chrom, what's that on your shoulder?" Please, you irresistible fool, I'm not talking about your pauldron.

"I was wondering when you were going to ask about that. It's my Brand. It proves that I am a descendant of the Hero-King Marth and a member of House Ylisse."

Didn't Chrom say something about a Brand when talking to Pretend Marth earlier? And if Lissa is his sister, where is her Brand? Would it be rude to ask if she isn't displaying it like Chrom? Better not chase that line of questioning right now.

"Could you tell me a bit more about Marth? Why would our friend from the future decide to impersonate him?"

"Three thousand years ago, Marth was a prince of the Kingdom of Akaneia. Naga, the Divine Dragon, forged Falchion from one of her own fangs so that Marth could use it to defeat the Dark Dragon Medeus. Medeus was resurrected several years after his first defeat, but Marth defeated him a second time. Since then, the blade has been passed down to Marth's descendents, but only those it deems worthy may wield it. Many evils have fallen to Falchion over the years."

I asked about Marth, not your sword. Time for a new topic. "So, Plegia and Ylisse. What's the deal?"

Chrom winced slightly at hearing the word "Plegia". "Plegia is Ylisse's Western neighbor. Just as Ylisse reveres the Divine Dragon Naga, Plegia worships her rival Grima, the Fell Dragon. Grima was sealed away by the first Exalt of Ylisse a thousand years ago, but not slain. Rumors abound of efforts by Grima's cultists to revive him, but thus far none have succeeded. 15 years ago, our father fought a terrible war with Plegia to eradicate Grima's faithful once and for all. But the war dragged on, and atrocities were committed by both sides as more and more lives were thrown away in a conflict that would leave no victor. The war ended when our father died, but resentment lingers on both sides" Chrom finished with a sigh.

"Our father" must mean his and Lissa's father, who sure sounds like the previous Exalt. "And you believe these bandits were connected to Plegia?"

Frederick decided to field this question. "Yes. They spoke with Plegian accents and marched from the West. Nor are they the first band to exhibit these traits."

"And such consistency is highly suspicious for bandits." I chipped in. Frederick nodded. Now it's coming together. Plegia organizes raiding parties to attack Ylisse. The lack of any formal connection to the Plegian crown affords Plegia plausible deniability, but Ylisse has to do something if only to protect their border towns from the raiders. Any such action undertaken by the Ylissean crown would be easy for the Plegians to claim as hostile activity. The obvious goal for Plegia would be to goad Ylisse into a war while claiming the moral high ground. Quite the cucumber for the current Exalt, whoever he is. But that begs the question: if bandit raids are such a consistent threat, who is supposed to fight them? Surely they aren't relying on Chrom, his sister, and their nanny to be in the area? I need to ask, but more tactfully than that.

"So Lissa" I began, hoping that bringing her into the conversation would loosen her tongue on matters I actually care about and not her stupid knock-knock jokes, "Was this your first time fighting bandits?"

Blondie perked up a little at being asked. "Nope! I've been on patrols with Chrom and Frederick and the other Shepherds for months now, since the trouble with the bandits from Plegia started. But usually there's more of us, and it usually isn't this exciting."

Other shepherds? One of them used that word before, I think. Doesn't sound like much of a standing military or knightly order. "How many shepherds are there?"

"Oh, close to a dozen of us. We're stretched really thin trying to protect everyone. But having you with us will change everything!"

Oh gods. She just said so much I did not want to hear with so few words. These idiots are trying to protect their entire border with less than 12 people? Whoever is in charge of that deserves to be pushed off a cliff. And Blondie thinks _I,_ the amnesiac from gods-know-where, can make the difference?

That's it, you win Plegia. Go ahead and summon Grima and usher in a thousand years of darkness. These people can't stop you.

"Surely you are not the only ones combating the bandits?" Please tell me I am wrong. Anyone, tell me I am wrong. Even you, Freddy.

Fortunately, Chrom answered in his melodious voice, instead of his babysitter. "We are not the only ones, of course. The pegasus knights and the royal guard are active as well, but they have other duties to attend to as well. The local lords maintain their own retainers and household troops, but they rarely send their forces far from their own holdings. Larger and richer settlements can hire mercenaries or organize their own militias, but again they are mostly concerned with local troubles. The smaller border villages, like Southtown, are mostly on their own without us." Chrom ended his answer with a frustrated look on his face.

At least he is astute enough to realize this defensive strategy is moronic. And that confirms Ylisse does not have a standing military, which seems like a rather severe problem for a nation with a hostile neighbor. Not nearly as bad as Lissa made their situation sound, thankfully.

It was finally getting dark, and we decided to make camp before continuing to Ylissetol. Once our campfire was going, Freddy declared he was going to hunt for some dinner. I volunteered to tag along, both because I was very, very hungry and because I wanted a chance to ask Freddy some questions away from the nobles. The big guy was rightfully suspicious of my offer, but did not object. He was probably just happy to have me away from his charges.

We walked from the campsite in silence until the brats were out of earshot. "One horse, Frederick?"

His face shifted from stoic to resigned. He knew exactly what I was getting at. "Milord and milady prefer to walk."

"No doubt the fine people of Southtown can rest in peace, knowing they died for the convenience of the royal brats." That didn't come out right. I _really_ need to watch what I say.

Frederick gave me a well-deserved glare. "It is Lord Chrom's duty to protect the realm, and he does so as he sees fit" Frederick replied stiffly.

"How long were you going to wait before telling Chrom the realm needed protecting today?"

"Lord Chrom did not need to be distracted from deciding your fate."

"I imagine he would disagree."

"You know he would. It is my duty to protect him above all else, from his own good nature if need be."

Hiding behind duty. I'm going to stop now, because there is nothing I could say that would not make Freddy hate me more than he does now.

Our conversation over, we took to the task of finding something to kill and devour. Frederick eventually found a cave he was certain a bear was sleeping in, but said we wouldn't be able to get close without waking it, which would be dangerous. I don't know what a bear is, but if Fred thinks we can kill it then it probably isn't lightning-proof.

"Stand back Freddy Bear. I've got a plan." Oooohh, that's a good nickname for Frederick. Grabbing my sword and tome, I stepped in front of the cave entrance and started slinging lightning bolts. Frederick tried to shout over the magic about what a brilliant plan this was – probably – but I wasn't listening. Fred and the magic were both drowned out by a loud and terrible roar from the within cave. Out of the darkness charged a very large, very scarred, and slightly charred four-legged animal with brown fur, a gaping maw lined with massive teeth, and claws sharp as steel.

More lightning.

Arcane electricity scourged the beast, but it just kept coming. Unfortunately, I didn't have a backup plan. I put everything I had into electrocuting the monster. My tome was quickly running out of juice, and I was about to throw the damn book at it and hope for the best, until the bear finally expired no more than two steps in front of me. Perhaps Freddy Bear was right to be cautious.

"Thanks for the help" I managed to say between breaths. That was more tiring than I expected.

"You said to stand back. Far be it from me to second-guess the Shepherds' master strategist." Frederick wasn't smiling as he said this. You're supposed to smile when you tell a joke Fred. You-you're not being serious, are you? Whatever, I'll worry about what you said after I've eaten.

"I killed it. You get to carry it."

"Don't be daft. This bear must be 400 pounds! Watch it while I get my horse." We're getting along better than I expected after our pre-bear conversation.

It was good that I didn't need to do anything for a bit, because I was so exhausted I could barely stand. Once Frederick returned we tied a rope around the bear and used the horse to drag it back to camp. I curled up with the most comfortable rock I could find and passed out. I killed the furry demon, the others can cook it.

I woke to the most beautiful sight since I first saw Chrom: cooked meat on a bone. Dinner hovered so close I could almost taste it. I reached for the drumstick feebly, but it floated away towards the campfire. "Come back!" I cried, but it was no use. I crawled after the food, only stumbling twice and falling once before catching up with it at the fire. I pounced and greedily dug into my prize.

It did not last long.

I was still clawing scraps off the bone when a familiar voice so rudely reminded me there is more in this world than me and food.

"Is it good Robin?" Ugh, _Lissa_.

I graciously stopped gnawing at the bone long enough to answer. "Yes. Good."

The Irritating One refused to stop being irritating.

"I-I-I can get you some more if you like. Just let go... please?"

Her piteousness distracted me from food long enough to realize her hand was beneath mine, also holding onto the bone. How'd she do that?

Letting go of my bone didn't seem like a great idea, but bear meat is the one thing I'd rather have inside me than Chrom tonight. Blondie brought me more – slowly, but I forgive her because I am a generous and considerate person. The other were babbling about something or other, but I couldn't be bothered to listen. Consuming the newly dead required my full attention.

Until Chrom mentioned me, of course.

"Gods above, Robin! A pack of wolves couldn't keep up with you! If I'd known you were this hungry we would have eaten in Southtown."

Oh goodness, is Chrom worried about me? Honey Blue Blue, you're almost too good for me. I'll act more like a pack of wolves if it'll make you happy. Or less, if that's what you want. Unless, that would mean less bear meat, wouldn't it? I'm not sure I can do that, Chrom, even for you, but our relationship is stronger than that. We aren't going to let a silly little thing like this separate us, will we?

Eventually, the unthinkable happened: Lissa handed me another hunk of bear meat, and I didn't want to eat it. She looked shocked and hurt in equal measure when I waved her away and went back to my rock to sleep. The blissful escape from reality came quickly, but my fantasy proved lacking. Given that I remember but a single day, and only four people and one dead animal, this was not particularly unexpected. Sure, the bits with Chrom were _very_ enjoyable, but Frederick, or Lissa, or Marth, or the bear kept interrupting us.

Eventually, a very different sort of fancy occupied my mind. The ground quaked. Gouts of flame erupted from rents in the earth. A hulking, blackened facsimile of a man was about to disembowel a cowering Lissa with a massive battleaxe.

It finally happened, after all these years. I've died and gone to Heaven.

The monster's axe began to fall. Lissa's wailing would end. I only regret I could not see this happen for real.


	3. It Went Well Enough

Indeed, it was too good to be true.

The axe was swung and blocked by Falchion. Worse still, this Flachion was held by Marth.

Is this Hell?

Blue Mask fought the monster for a bit. I could have helped, but, y'know. The fight ended when Chrom arrived to help Marth finish the beast.

If Chrom is here, this can't be Hell. If Marth is here, this can't be Heaven. I must still be alive. Should I feel happy or sad?

Either way, it was time for another team huddle. I sauntered over to join Lissa and the Blues. Frederick was right behind me, presaged by his clanking armor.

Lissa was still cowed into silence by her only-near-death experience, mercifully. Less mercifully, Marth was the first to speak

"I know these monsters. In my time, they are puppets of Grima. Their only purpose is to kill. Destroy them now, before they scatter."

Wait a second.

"You sound like you're going to leave us again, Pretender." Probably should have left that last word out. The sour look from Chrom confirmed it.

"I must minimize my impact on your time. Your own strength will be enough for this battle."

"Marth," Chrom began, "You have risked your life for us twice now. You have earned your privacy. But know that whatever your secrets, you are welcome among us." Really Chrom? Not a word about how he tried to kill me THE INSTANT HE SAW ME? Do you just forget everything wrong a person has done after they save your sister? Does it still count if I create the situation I save your sister from?

Oh well. On the plus side, Marth is leaving.

My plan for dealing with the new arrivals was, like all great plans, so simple Lissa could have thought of it. To prevent the creatures from scattering, we would stay together and draw them to us. We were to make our stand in a small nearby fortress, abandoned after the end of the previous war with Plegia. The walls would help mitigate the superior numbers of the monsters, or trap us and ensure our deaths. Which would be bad, but if Marth was right about me being a servant of Grima then these things shouldn't hurt me, and if they do hurt me then I will have proof he is full of shit. This night can only end well for me.

It didn't take us long to prepare for the enemy. We left the front gate half open, hoping to funnel the creatures through a chokepoint where they would get in each others way and be unable to evade my magic. It should work, if they are as mindless as Marth's "puppet" comment implies, as long as my tome doesn't run out of juice.

Lissa, having been spared the manual labor of fortifying the dilapidated fortification, scouted around the fortress storerooms for anything of value. To my great surprise, she found a few things of value: a couple of healing salves, a pen and inkwell (how uncharacteristically thoughtful of her to grab these for me), an ancient sword with a curved and slender blade, and a spellbook that seemed very strange to me. It was very light and slim, and seemed almost illusory, as though it would vanish if it left my sight. Its power was magnificent yet fleeting, a wildfire with little fuel. I better not waste this. The sword, which she gave to Freddy, seemed less memorable.

We'd finished preparing just in time, as the gang of creeping horrors finally found us. Standing on the ramparts while the others guarded the gate, I was the first to see them. They were about a dozen of in total, but they did not look like the one that attacked Lissa. These were smaller, more human-like, with deathly pale skin and eyes that shone a baleful red. They advanced in silence bearing an array of blades and – according to the arrow now nesting in my arm – bows. Just my sword arm, thankfully, but the archer was out of reach of my lightning magic. Do I try the new fire tome, and hope it is powerful enough to reach, or abandon my elevated position and fling magic through the gate opening instead?

Alas, I tarried too long in thought, and the world saw fit to decide for me. A small axe sailed through the air and, feeling lonely, decided to give me a hug handle-first. My forehead could do without a bruise, thanks. Less painful than the blade would have been, but every silver lining has its thorns: the force of the blow was enough to knock me off the rampart, not two paces from the open gate. I am now injured, on my ass, 30 very short feet away from the charging zombie-things. I didn't need to look behind me to know Chrom and Freddy were rushing forward to help, but this is no time to be a third wheel. If the creatures get inside, they will overwhelm us. Chrom and Fred need me to help hold the breach.

Let's see what this new book can do.

Tapping this tome was as thrilling as it was exhausting. One monster after another was incinerated by the hellfire at my command. A full half-dozen of the creatures had been burnt to ash before the book was spent, but the effort left me spent as well. Between the pain, blood loss, fatigue, and head trauma, it was all I could do to stay conscious. Two figures – Chrom and Frederick I assume – charged past me, into the diminished horde. Lissa stood over me, waving her staff and babbling something or other. She's bound to pull the arrow out of me sooner or later. Before I took my second nap of the night I saw a flight of arrows strike the beasts, while a figure on a horse rammed a lance through a particularly large specimen. It's nice to lose consciousness on a happy note.

Eventually I woke. Still night, so I probably didn't sleep for very long. My stirring did not pass unnoticed, as a now-familiar shadow fell upon me.

"Easy Robin, try not to move. You might have a concussion."

Joy. Now I have to be grateful Lissa didn't die.

But, concussion is something I remember. You get it when you hit your head really hard, and if you don't take it easy for a little while you feel worse than dead. I should be impressed Lissa knows what that is.

"So, what happened?" I mumbled "I saw arrows and someone on a horse, and then..."

"That was Virion and Sully riding in to save the day! They're Shepherds too. You can meet them once you're rested. They're a bit energetic for you right now."

I actually believe her. Anyone dumb enough to choose to join Chrom's marry band cannot be normal.

Since she was with me when I woke, the others are probably fine and I am the only one that got hurt seriously, which means I can look considerate and compassionate if I ask how the others are doing. Impressing Lissa is good, but impressing Chrom would be better. If only he were nearby...

As if on cue, I hear footsteps. Blondie's shadow shifts as she moves to face the new arrival. Could be anyone.

Now or never.

"How is everyone else doing, Lissa? Are they okay?"

"We're fine. How are you holding up, Robin?"

That voice.

Swift as a raging river.

Graceful as a swan.

Strong as a raging fire.

Mysterious as the dark side of the Moon.

My darling blue bear that I would never murder with lightning.

It's Chrom!

It'sChromIt'sChromIt'sChromIt'sChromIt'sChrom!

He came to see how I'm doing. He cares about me as much as he cares about everyone else (even his idiot third cousin's brother's nephew from the future)! This isn't just me being creepy and obsessive anymore (not that I ever was ), we were meant to be!

Oh gods, what do I say? Do I exaggerate my injuries to make him worry about me? Do I shrug it off and make him think I'm tough? Do I tell the truth and make him think I'm...something?

So many good choices; how do I decide?

I learned that not choosing is choosing nothing.

While my internal debate over how to manipulate my true love raged, reality moved faster than I would have liked. The royal brats found my persistent silence perplexing.

"Uh, Robin? Are you okay?" My beary blue-muffin.

"Not yet she isn't! She needs at least a full day's rest_. _I'm not letting you move her an inch until sunrise at the very earliest." My after-the-fact guardian angel. I'd rather have a dog.

"Alright Lissa, I trust you on this. Just – just take care of Robin, please."

Oh Chrom...

Lissa giggled. Stop spoiling the moment you little bitch. "Oh, don't worry Chrom. I'll take good care of your delicate new _girl_-friend. Gotta have her looking her best when you introduce her to Emm, don't you?"

Chrom, I-I-I-I'm so happy you want me to meet your mother, but aren't we moving a bit fast? We haven't even seen each other naked yet!

"Please, Lissa, it's nothing like that. Robin saved our lives and I want to make sure she gets better. That's it." Awwww, Chrom sounds so adorable when he's flustered. Maybe Blondie is good for something after all.

I'll have to make him blush when I can see him. Teasing him seems pretty easy, as Lissa so graciously proved. "Uh-huh. Sure big brother, whatever you say. Well don't worry, your new girl-that's-just-a-friend will be fine if she gets some rest."

Chrom didn't respond. He's walking away, isn't he? And I just wasted a golden opportunity. I can't afford to oyster up like this when I meet his mother.

Bah. I should sleep. Tomorrow sounds busy.

And sleep I did. No dreams.

True to her word, Lissa woke me at sunrise. For her second uncharacteristically thoughtful gesture (I'm counting) she gave me an apple for breakfast she had managed to scrounge up. I have no idea how – it's not like these things grow on trees.

After breakfast Lissa decided to introduce me to the new arrivals. We found the two of them with Chrom and Frederick.

Virion: A man about Chrom's height with pale blue-gray hair wearing a cravat and a quiver. An archer, it would seem.

Sully: A red-haired woman in red armor a bit shorter than Chrom. Probably the person I saw on the horse last night.

"Had enough beauty sleep already, Slim?" Sully said when she saw me and Lissa approach. Her tone was somewhere between concern and respect; I must have made a good impression with all that barely-controlled hellfire.

"Well, it was a lot of work keeping Chrom safe while you and Virion were cavorting across the countryside together." I shot back with a grin. I wonder just how friendly she is with the archer.

She was about to respond, but Virion beat her to it. "Truly our prince is fortunate to have found succor in your suzerainty, noble Robin. Your display of magical prowess last night was most impressive, even for one as well-traveled as myself. Truly, your stature eclipses your size!" Am I really that skinny, or is he talking about something else?

"T-thanks, Virion." What an odd man.

Sully re-entered the conversion. "Awfully scrawny to be swinging a sword, aren't 'cha Robin?" I must have struck a nerve.

"So far so good, Sully." Nothing makes confrontational people angrier than being nonchalant.

"You won't get anywhere with an attitude like that. Not much of a man at all, are you?"

"Well, no." Lissa giggled. There is something I'm not picking up on, and Blondie knows what it is.

Chrom decided the introductions were now complete, and we could finish our trip to Ylissetol. My attempts at extracting information from Lissa failed. She would only tell me that she is confident Sully and I will become friends soon. What am I missing about Sully?

Whatever it is, I wouldn't find out on the road, as Sully and Virion rode ahead to ensure the path would be clear. Lissa kept Freddy Bear occupied with questions about nothing in particular, leaving me and Chrom to enjoy six hours of uncomfortable silence together, punctuated only by our awkward attempts at smalltalk. Chrom wouldn't look me in the eyes when he said he was glad I was feeling better. He laughed when I said the bear was my favorite animal, with the robin being second. We spent at least 40 minutes trying to think of a name for the red-eyed monsters we fought the night before. I wanted to call them Reds, because of their glowing red eyes. Chrom thought Returned would be a better name because they looked like corpses returned to life. Neither of us had any idea why their remains disappeared when killed.

It was the best time of my life.


	4. Meet The Family

All too quickly we reached the capitol.

It was amazing. Just the size of it was daunting, like a man-made forest. And the people, they were everywhere, packed tighter than bears in a barrel. How could anyone live like this? Or maybe it's not normally this crowded?

Our merry quartet squeezed through the streets, making slow but steady progress through the throngs of humanity before we found what all the fuss was about: a blonde woman in regal robes walking down the main avenue, waving and speaking to the crowds which miraculously parted before her. She looks kinda like an older Lissa, actually. She must be important.

"Who is she?" I whispered to Chrom. I probably didn't need to whisper, in fact it probably would have been better if I hadn't, but using my outside voice in the presence of Tall Blondie felt wrong.

"Emmeryn, Exalt of Ylisse and my sister" Chrom whispered back. I choose to believe he whispered just to humor me. How sweet of you, Chrom.

Oh, and he is the queen's younger brother. He probably has an army of chinless schlubs showing off young, rich, beautiful women that would be politically advantageous for him to marry. I...I don't think I can compete with that. Well, I can probably out-murder the lot of them, but that probably wouldn't impress Chrom...unless maybe I did it while naked and carrying alcohol? All guys like that sort of thing, don't they?

Ehhhh, let's call that "Plan B" for now. Plan A should probably involve bears.

While I had been thinking these very important thoughts, our group had fallen in with Emmeryn's entourage and were headed towards the very large structure I assume to be the royal palace. One step closer to sleeping in Chrom's bed. And another. And another. And another. And...

4,837 steps later we reached the palace.

The four of us met with Emmeryn and a gold-armored pegasus knight whose expression shifted from Frederick-stern to Frederick-disapproving the instant she saw me. Well, I hate you too, so there!

Lissa ran forward and hugged her older sister. Chrom clearly wanted to, but restrained himself because he didn't want to look unmanly in front of me.

"Lissa, Chrom, Frederick, I am glad that you have returned safely" Emmeryn began, before locking eyes with me. "And Robin. Ylisse owes you a great debt for what you have done."

The aura of serenity this woman projected, which felt like a crime to violate with something so uncouth as existing, felt almost welcoming when she gave me her attention. How odd. She is certainly more than a taller Lissa.

"Ylisse owes me nothing, your exaltedness. It was my great fortune to have been found by your siblings and Sir Frederick." Freddy gets a title because we aren't friends. 'Course, Lissa and I aren't friends either, but no one needs to know that.

"You sell yourself short, Robin. As Sully and Virion have told me, the Shepherds were just as fortunate to have found you." Sycophantic flatterers. I only like that in Chrom.

"You got that right sis! She's even more amazing in person!" Lissa decided to start chirping again. Go on...

At hearing this, a look of confusion grasped Emmeryn's face for a split-second. That hurts, Emm. Is it really that hard to believe Sully and Virion weren't exaggerating about me?

"Yes Lissa, I am sure – she – is." I don't like that pause, Emmeryn. Is there something on my face?

"She truly is, sister." Please go on, Chrom. "War looms with Plegia. We know nothing about these other monsters that have appeared. Despite her lack of memory, Robin understands war better than any of us. We will need her to weather the coming storm." Oh Blue, I didn't know you could be so poetic. I might just fall for you all over again! Had I bothered to look, I imagine both Peggy the pegasus knight and Freddy Bear bristled visibly at being called inadequate by the prince

"You place a great deal of trust in a woman you met only yesterday, brother" Emmeryn replied carefully.

Hmmm, Chrom just mentioned my amnesia to Emm, and she didn't comment on it at all. She must have already known, which means Virion and Sully told her, which means Chrom told Virion and Sully. Just what have you been saying about me, my love?

"And she's earned it a billion times over!" Lissa interjected, quite fiercely for someone so small. Now I almost feel bad for fantasizing about her death. I'll get over it; guilt is as fleeting as her attention span.

Back to Chrom: "You are correct, Emmeryn, but Lissa is also correct. While we have only known Robin for a short time, she has already proven herself, and we cannot afford to turn her away." Chrom, I-I-I don't know what to say...

"What, then, do you intend for her, Chrom?" That is a really good question, lady. I'd have asked myself if there was the slightest chance I would like the answer.

"I ask that Robin be appointed to the royal war council, inducted into the Shepherds, and be granted Ylissean citizenship."

_You want me to do what? _

"I expected as much, brother. I trust you approve, Lissa?"

"You know I do, Emm."

"And you, Frederick?"

Gee, I _wonder_ what _he_ thinks about me?

Freddy took a moment to compose himself before giving an answer that would either be a lie or contradict his lord. "Milord and milady trust her, and I trust in her abilities." C'mon Freddy Bear, there is no way you're gonna wriggle out of this one.

Emmeryn also noticed the gap in the knight's answer. "Frederick, I ask for your opinion on this matter because I trust your judgment. Please, tell me what you think."

This is it, buddy, you can't possibly avoid telling all the bluebloods you've sworn to serve that they're a gaggle of idiots for trusting me so quickly. If you can read my mind, I just want you to know that I agree with you, and that even though we aren't friends I won't try to get you killed until the end of the war. Pinky swear.

To his credit, Freddy did give an honest answer, if reluctantly. "Truth be told, your highness, I cannot approve of investing such responsibility in someone we know so little about. The timing of her arrival alone gives us reason enough to be suspicious – it cannot be mere coincidence that she was found while Plegia goads us to war and a mere day before the appearance of monsters none of us have ever seen before – to say nothing of her eminently convenient amnesia, which absolves her of providing any explanation for anything. Add to that the related matter of the imposter Marth that claims to be from the future-"

"The same Marth whose story you also do not believe?" Emmeryn interrupted the knight, something I get the impression she does not do often. This is a good sign, right?

Freddy hadn't been expecting that either, and it showed. A little. "Yes, you highness, the very same Marth. While his claim that Robin is a servant of Grima sent backwards in time is preposterous, we cannot be so naive as to think it mere chance that both Robin and Marth would encounter each other.

Robin's vast talents are also suspicious. She has already demonstrated uncommon ability with both blade and elemental magic – skills rare enough on their own, but nearly unheard of for a single individual to possess – as well as exceptional tactical acumen, bravery, and pain tolerance. The questions she has asked betray a keen understanding logistics, strategic thinking, and politics.

This raises the question of where she is from. Were she from Ylisse, only one of the noble houses could have provided for her education and training, and would spare no expense in letting such an exceptional individual escape. The crown would know - unless she were being prepared to act against house Ylisse. As Lord Chrom has said, her services would prove invaluable should we go to war with Plegia. How convenient it would be for our savior to appear from nowhere and save all of Ylisse while asking nothing in return.

Robin was found by the only two individuals in all of the realm that would believe her story and be able to invest in her the authority to deliver us to salvation – or ruin. But it is my duty to look the gift horse in the mouth, however much I trust in the judgment of Lord Chrom and Lady Lissa."

I'm not a horse, you big jerk.

Emmeryn's response was slightly more eloquent. "I thank you for your honesty, Frederick. I understand you do not enjoy speaking contrary to Chrom and Lissa, but I am glad you did. You have raised many questions I did not think to ask." Then she turned to me. "Is there anything you would like to say, Robin?"

A tricky question. Now that Freddy Bear has all but accused me of being a double-agent, it would be very suspicious for me to insist on the high post Chrom wanted her to give me. However, I can't just sit around doing nothing – that would be insufferably boring. As luck would have it, I was given an answer to this question yesterday. "Your highness, I swore to Chrom that I would accept whatever fate you decreed for me. That promise runs both ways: you are to decide, and I am to accept."

Take THAT, Fred! You're not the only one that can give incomplete and obtuse answers to straight-forward questions!

As before, the evasiveness of the answer was not lost on the exalt, but I had done a much better job of passing the buck than Frederick had, even if I had bent the truth a little. The ensuing silence lasted half a second too long before Peggy got of pretending to be a statue.

"Your grace, if I may offer a suggestion-" a nod from Emm indicated she could, not that she needed to ask for permission in the first place, "the war council does not convene unless Ylisse is at war. Unti– unless that happens, that portion of Prince Chrom's request is merely academic. Sir Frederick's concerns, it would seem, can be best allayed by acceding to the prince's other two requests. By recognizing Lady Robin as a citizen of Ylisse and a member of the Sheperds, the crown will have a clear legal obligation to monitor her actions, investigate her past, and provide for her well being. Should she mean any harm, she will be surrounded at all times by Ylisse's finest."

So she wants to just keep doing what we've been doing, and kick Chrom's real request down the road until it's too late? You were better at being a statue, girl.

Emmeryn agreed with me, of course, but she was a bit more diplomatic than that. "Thank you for your suggestion, Phila." Peggy suits her better. "You are correct, of course: changes cannot be made to the war council until it has been convened, and the war council cannot be convened unless Ylisse is at war – which we are not. For the time being, would any of you object to allowing Robin to continue to serve with the Shephers as Ylissean citizen?" Silence, which means yes. "Very well then. Chrom and I must attend council. Frederick, Lissa, please introduce Robin to the rest of the Shepherds and help her settle in."

And so ended the first time I was close enough to stab the exalt of Ylisse. Lissa and Freddy led me to the Shepherd's barracks in silence: the big guy silently stoic and stoicly silent as always, my bannerwoman silently but not subtly fuming at him for being reasonable. This provided me with a golden opportunity to endear myself to the royals.

"Lissa" I began, placing my hand on the shoulder, "please don't be mad at Frederick for my sake."

I almost forgot how irritating I find her when she gave me a look of pure empathy that I will need to work very hard to fake. "But he still doesn't trust you! You saved him as much as me and Chrom and he still acts like you're going to stab us all in the back-" Her voice teetered on falling into hysterics. At least I remember why I don't like her.

"He is just trying to protect you – you, and Chrom, and Emmeryn. It's his duty to do so. I know it can be irritating having such a thorough guardian, but he is trying to do what's best for you. I'm sure he'll warm up to me in time." Actually, I didn't have any idea what having a bodyguard like Freddy Bear is like, but I know how Lissa feels about him, and that's all I need to know for this little speech.

Lissa looked almost convinced. Not completely – I didn't want of expect that - but enough to persuade her that I am the selfless, compassionate, considerate person she thinks I am and dispel any suspicions Frederick's speech might have raised about me. A very roundabout way of stoking her ego, which is exactly why it worked so well.

"Alright Robin, if you say so I'll give Frederick a chance, but he better start being nice to you soon or else!" Blondie punctuated this last word with a stomp of her foot. The worst "or else" I could think of from Lissa would be spending time with her, which is Freddy's regular job, funnily enough.

Our conversation finished, we noticed Freddy had left us, which retroactively took all the fun out of talking about him like he wasn't there. Lissa led me the rest of the way to the barracks, where I learned that that we have absolutely no hope.

The two of us entered the main room of the barracks, where Frederick was not, to my great surprise. Just where had he gone?

Lissa saw fit to give me an introduction. "Dun-dun-duh-duh! Everyone, meet the renowned Robin. Spectacular with swords, sorcery, and strategy, future member of the royal war council, and the newest member of the Shepherds!"

"Thanks, Lissa." You get a laconic thanks for embarrassing me like that, girl. You have to earn a sincere thank-you (you won't). "Hi everybody. Was Frederick here?"

A slender young brunette in light, almost-pink armor stood and gave a sharp salute. A disciplined knight not named Frederick? "Yes, Robin. He wen-"

"LISSA! I've been worried sick about you! I have been attending to commoners in the medical wing to keep myself from pulling out my hair." The interrupter of the brunette: blonde, irritating, friend of Lissa, probably rich and attractive enough to marry Chrom. I hate her.

Lissa, for once in her life, was trying to calm someone else down. "Relax, Maribelle. I'm fine! I didn't even scrape a knee, thanks to Robin."

Maribelle, quite reluctantly, turned to face me, and with considerable effort managed not to sneer. How gracious of her. "You have my thanks fro protecting Lissa. I should hope you are cut of the proper cloth, if you are to sit on the war council." My first impression of her could not have been wiser.

"We will see, Maribelle. But first" I looked to the brunette that Maribelle had so rudely interrupted, "Frederick?"

"He went to the library to fetch Miriel, so that she could meet you, Robin." She stopped talking, before realizing she hadn't introduced herself. "My name is Sumia. I am a pegasus knight-in-training. It is a honor to meet you, Robi-" She had walked forward to shake my hand before tripping over what I can only assume to be an unusually solid block of air. She blushed heavily as I stepped forward to help her up, appropriately embarrassed, before muttering thanks and apologies and very carefully walking towards the back of the room. I do not expect to hear much more from her today.

Next to size up the newcomer was the sexiest man alive: tall, muscular, and shirtless with dark skin and blonde hair. I was very tempted to offer to do something indecent to him in front of everyone when I remember what I love most about Chrom: his rat-like inner beauty that shines through no matter how stupid, awkward, irritating, and clueless he is. Can you match that, Mr. Hunk?

"Eyyyyy, it's the new kid! Heard you've been looking after Chrom while Teach was away."

Mr. Hunk cannot match that.

"Sully was right – you're a bit scrawny, but nothin' a bit a lernin from the master himself can't fix!"

Stop talking Please stop talking Even Maribelle was decent enough to stop talking WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING.

"Don't you worry Robin, once Teach takes you under his wing you'll be wooing the ladies in no time!"

Wait, what? What?

Why is Lissa giggling at this idiot?

"Uh, V-v-vaike, I don't think Robin wa-"

It just wouldn't be Sumia if nothing went wrong, would it? Poor thing. It was Maribelle again.

"Must you assail Robin with your boorishness so quickly, Vaike? While you are without hope, he may yet ascend to high society, and I will not allow you to lead him astray."

He?

Wait wait wait, they think I'm a man? Who told them th – _Sully and Virion_.

Lissa was doubled over from laughing so hard. She figured it out. It really isn't that funny, is it?

"M-m-aribelle, Robin is a-"

"I'm jus' tryin to help him, Maribelle! Not a chance he wants to sit through your tea parties and lectures on setting a table!"

"My 'tea parties' are a DELIGHT for everyone with the sense to appreciate them, Vaike!"

Aaaaaand now they're shouting. This was enough to draw Sully and a much larger man in green armor away from whatever the hell they were doing in the back that has left both of them hot and sweaty. Exhibitionists, perhaps?

The man in green took a second to realize that he doesn't know me. Too polite to try and shout over the blondes, he walked close to me before trying to introduce himself. "Hi Robin. I'm Stahl, a knight of Ylisse and a member of the Shepherds. Sully has told me a lot about you!"

That's how you introduce yourself? That was actually normal! Are you sure you belong here, Stahl? "A pleasure to meet you Stahl, but I think there has been some miscommunication. You see, I'm not a man."

This confused Mr. Normal, and he made exactly the sort of face a normal person would after learning that someone you think is a man, isn't. "Oh. I...see. Sully and Virion were very convinced you are."

So it was those two. Unlike Stahl, I am rude enough to yell over others. "SULLY! VIRION! WHY DID YOU TELL VERYONE I'M A MAN!_"_

The archer and the red knight looked genuinely surprised at this. Sully responded for the two of them. "What the hell are you talking about, you _are_ a man!"

"NO I'M NOT YOU IDIOT!"

"Are you sure"

"YES! IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO TELL?"

"Well, yeah."

Lissa, at some point, had fallen over, and broke from laughing long enough to gasp for air. _She knew_.

And now Vaike and Maribelle knew, breaking from their own shouting match to give me an embarrassed stare before verbally stumbling over each other.

"Hold on Robin-"

"Are you certain you-"

"-you're really a chick?"

"-are not a gentleman?"

Unbelievable.

"What is wrong with all of you? Chrom, Lissa, and Frederick didn't make this mistake!"

"Actually, Robin, I kn-"

"Actually, Robin, about that." Even Lissa interrupts Sumia. "Chrom and Frederick _did_ think you were a man at first. It took some time to convince them. Chrom actually wanted to look under your robe just to be sure." Chrom too? Really, Chrom too?

"Pardon the interruption" came a familiarly unwelcome voice from behind us. Turning, I saw Frederick and a robed woman with a wide-brimmed, point hat and glasses. Miriel, I presume.

The woman wasted no time in introducing herself. "I am Miriel, mage and natural scientist of the Shepherds. I have heard much about you, Robin."

Cold, to the point, and almost polite. I'll take her. Shaking her hand, I decided to try a small joke to lighten the mood. "I must question the accuracy of what you have been told, Miriel."

"Indeed, Robin. The truth is precisely what I intend to uncover."

So much for my joke.

While trying to think of a witty follow-up, Miriel began circling me, inspecting my coat with great interest. Sort of understandable, I suppose. It _is_ a a pretty nice coat, after all. The thought of parting with it is, well, unthinkable, but I haven't a clue why.

"You were correct in part, Frederick" she said at last. "The symbols on her robe are undoubtedly linked to the cult of Grima, but are quite distinct from any pattern I am familiar with."

This is bad. I have to say something.

"It's a coat, Miriel."

I need to say something less vacant.

Yet she responded to this. "You may be correct, Robin. The defining features of a robe and a coat vary from region to region, and there is a considerable degree of overlap even between garments that are recognized as being coat or a robe. The distinguishing features of the two are known to have shifted over time, beginning with-"

Freddy didn't like this tangent. "You said her coat bears Grimleal runes, Miriel?"

Heavens, I'm on trial again. And without Chrom. This could get ugly.

"That is correct, Frederick. The symbols are related to the Cult of Grima, but they are unlike any I have ever seen or read of, and their meaning is unclear."

The first of the almond gallery to pipe up was Sumia. I didn't hear a word she said, because Vaike piped up right after, saying what everyone was thinking. "You a grimleal, Robin?"

"She has _amnesia_ Vaike, she has no idea what she was doing before we found her. Virion and Sully told you _that_ much, didn't they?" Once again, Lissa has taken it upon herself to be my knight in shining armor when all the real knights in shining armor want to kill me.

"The amnesia excuse is no longer acceptable, princess. Robin knows far too much for us to continue to entertain such an obvious lie."

"Don't you dare 'princess' me, Frederick!"

Maribelle made an attempt to pull Lissa from my side. "Step away from her, Lissa. It isn't safe for you to stand so close."

Little Blondie wasn't done, however. "NO! How dare you both! You know what Frederick? Robin asked me to be nice to you! You keep trying to convince everyone she's evil, and she told me to be grateful you're looking out for me! Well I can't anymore, not whe-"

"This is not a productive line of discussion" Interrupted Miriel with far more presence than I had expected from her. "Robin. You were found bearing weapons, yes? Might I see them?"

This has got to be the most bizarre attempt to disarm me, but what choice do I have?

"One at a time, Miriel" I replied coolly, handing her my sword. Not a person in the room failed to read between the lines.

She didn't need much time before reaching a verdict. "The blade is of common make. Furthermore, it bears signs of considerable use. Were there any distinguishing features left by the smith, they have long since faded. Given the state of the weapon, it seems most probable that it was heavily used prior to Robin being found."

That went well.

The mage returned my sword, and I handed her my spell-book. Again, her inspection was quick, yet I imagine she was quite thorough. "This is a standard spell tome for the use of elementary lightning magic. Again, it lacks any marks that could be used to identify its creator, and again it bears signs of far more use than would likely have been incurred while Robin was traveling with Chrom."

That's also good, I think. And at least now I have both my weapons.

Frederick spoke, eager to eke some sort of point from Miriel's discoveries. "So you believe Robin was involved in combat before we found her, Miriel?"

"I believe the most probable explanation for the present state of her weaponry is that her weapons were used before Robin was found. With the information currently at my disposal I cannot say whether or not Robin is responsible for the wear on her weapons. However, it may prove elucidating to inspect Robin more closely." The inquisitor turned to me. "Please remove your coat, Robin."

Lissa wanted to object, but I took off my coat before she could find the words. Glad as I was that she is so dedicated to my defense, this situation is not one she can help me with.

A gasp followed from our audience as I took off my coat. I was about to hand it to Miriel when I realized she didn't want it; she was interested in the clothes I was wearing under my coat. The reaction of the almond gallery was sign enough that there was something off, but what? More Grimleal eyeballs? I guess my shirt is a little loose, but still...

It was all I could do to stand still as Miriel stalked around me. I kept myself occupied returning Frederick's glare. After several minutes, and some unwelcome poking and prodding from – I hope – Miriel, the bespectacled stopped moving and spoke to me.

"While your coat is untarnished, your other clothing bears signs of use and damage, featuring are a number of burns, cuts, and bloodstains. Additionally, your garments fit extremely poorly. They appear to have been made for an individual of your same height but of considerably greater bulk."

Then she lifted my shirt and looked at my back and stomach. Mildly violating.

Satisfied, she let go of my shirt and spoke to the group. "I believe Robin is suffering from a severe lack of caloric intake, and is most likely suffering from mild malnutrition as well. I believe it would be prudent for her to seek the services of an apothecary."

This sounds like something I can milk for sympathy. "Could I get something to eat before that, please?"

Before I knew it, Stahl was handing me a loaf of bread and a wedge of cheese. He then went to get a knife and plate. Not sure why; the food was gone by the time he got back. The others seemed impressed at my ability to make food disappear without magic so quickly.

Lissa decided to take charge of the situation. "Alright, Robin has had some food. I'm going to take her to Doctor Nick. Virion, you and Maribelle can find her a change of clothes. Vaike, Sumia, and Stahl, you three work on dinner. We need something special to celebrate! Sully and Frederick, we need you two to clean this place up. Mir-" Blondie finally turned around to see that both Frederick and Miriel had already left. Neither seem particularly sociable.

And I must say, Lissa can be awfully good at giving orders when she isn't acting like herself. Just about everyone did what they were told. Sully didn't even mind that her workload had essentially doubled due to Freddy playing hooky. Maribelle, on the other hand...

"I do not want you alone with that woman, Lissa. You heard what Sir Frederick said-"

"She has a name, Maribelle, and I want you to use it. Besides, Robin has had plenty of opportunities to hurt me already, why would she try something now?"

Maribelle had no answer for Lissa's uncharacteristic use of logic and reason. "Hmph. Very well, Lissa. I shall attempt to find clothing suitable for a woman of labor nearly half a foot taller than Sir Frederick. But I warn you, Robin: should Lissa so much as tangle her hair in your presence, you _will_ answer to me. Do I make myself clear?"

Ugh. Are you really trying to intimidate me, drills? What are you going to do, hit me with your stupid umbrella?

"At the moment, Lady Maribelle, I must say I find Virion's cravat far more intimidating."

The archer inflated with joy at hearing his own name without being given an order. "Verily, Lady Robin, you possess a fine eye for garments of noble bearing! Take heart, my dear Maribelle, for it is clear our efforts will not be wasted!" Preempting a most unladylike retort, Virion nobly dragged Maribelle away from us.

With that settled, Lissa and I made our way to the royal apothecary, Doctor Nicholas of Riviera. A jovial man, a touch talkative but pleasant enough. He recorded my height: 6' 6", and weight: 140 pounds. This, as he informed me, was a highly unusual problem: very few women need to worry about gaining weight. Dr. Nick said I was dangerously underweight, and should try to gain at least 20 pounds.

"Miriel said I might be suffering from malnutrition. What, exactly is that?"

"Well, you see, the human body requires many different nutrients to function properly. Different nutrients are found in different foods. It is therefore of utmost important that you eat a balanced diet from each of the major food groups: animal, plant, alcohol, and candy. An imbalance in consumption habits can be just as hazardous to your health as a lack of food."

What a wise man.


End file.
